Are YOU a victim?

leadership coaching

I was born this way…

“5 Minutes After The Overwhelming Event Of Your Birth, Society Decides Your Name, Your Nationality, Your Religion And Sect: And Then You Spend The Rest Of Your Life Fighting And Foolishly Defending Things You Actually Had No Say Or Choice In Determining.”

Yeah, so what is my first reaction?

I am aware that parents or other adults make these choices for us at birth. It is self-evident that a baby only a few moments from the birth canal lacks the capacity to make these choices and even if it did they would be overridden by its’ parents.

Hopefully you have been birthed to loving caring parents with a supportive family, but even if you have been delivered into a racist, fascist hell hole; sooner or later you will have a choice.

Many believe that we choose our parents before we are born, calling that choice “soul contracts”. While I have no scientific evidence, I think it is a workable position to take mentally, as it is empowering to think I had that power to choose. It also keeps me out of the victim stoop lamenting whom my parents are or where I was born.

We are always at choice, we always have choice. Many times, I have not liked having choice, because the choice was difficult nor what I wanted it to be. That said, I appreciate that I can choose to change my nationality, my religion and only stand up for what I believe. I can choose my attitude, the way I live.

Our societies in North America seem to me to celebrate and reinforce victimhood. Splashy headlines and sob stories are a daily fodder for the news – poor me, poor you, poor them! I don’t mean to be harsh, I feel empathy and compassion for those in dire straits; I just don’t want to enable or entrap them into the clutches of victimhood.

The results in my life are the sum of my choices. If I don’t like them I have some more choices to make until I like my life. Is it difficult to make changes? Yes and sometimes painful, but it is always a choice, made knowingly or unconsciously.

I can choose to show up authentically or to hide who I am. If I live in a safe open world it is easier to show up, it is much more difficult in a rife anger ridden society. If I live in an angry society then I might make the choice to present a mask to society to feel or be safe physically.

Having the power to choose complicates everyone’s life. This awareness along with deciding that I am not a victim in any circumstance is the hardest but only choice.


I will let the words of holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankel close this one.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -Viktor E. Frankl

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